The Medicine and the Pain
by CaptainMalcolmReynolds
Summary: Four years after Hawkmoth has been defeated, and the heroes of Paris are still dealing with the psychological effects of having gone to war at the age of 13. Adrien, especially, is hit hard, as he had to fight his father. It starts out with Angst, but eventually there is fluff! (I promise)
1. Four Years

_Author's Note: This story contains some extremes, both good and bad on the emotional scale. All characters will find resolution by the end of the story. _

_Trigger warning for PTSD and discussions about how to deal with overwhelming emotions. It does get worse before it gets better. Multiple characters are overwhelmed and have emotional breakdowns. _

* * *

"Don't forget, I've got dinner with the girls tonight. Mylene's got big news she wants to share!" Marinette called back to the kitchen where her sleep-rumpled boyfriend sat at their kitchen table, staring into his coffee mug.

"But Marinette. I had another nightmare last night. I thought you were going to stay at home with me." Adrien pouted at her, only halfway joking, but Marinette still felt the normal guilt rising, just like anytime she took time for herself.

"I still have to go to work. Do you want to call Nino? Alya's coming tonight, so Nino should be free." Her voice lowered as she walked back into the kitchen to kiss the top of his floppy blond mop of hair. "Maybe you should call Dr. Lapointe. He has really helped me. I'm sure he would be willing to work with you as well. Adrien, I'm not going to push, but I can't be the only one you talk to. I don't know what else to do to help you."

She sighed, dropping into the chair next to him. "We don't have time to have this conversation again right now." Reaching over, she snagged his coffee cup, and took a deep swig, shuddering at its sweetness. Gently setting the cup back in front of him, she stroked his hair, scratching gently where his cat ears would be. "But think about it, please?"

He sighed. "I'm fine, Marinette. Don't worry about me." He waved his hand, dismissively. "Go to your little girl's night. I'll still be here when you get home."

Sighing, Marinette stood. "I have to go, or I'll be late. I will check in with you at lunch, alright?" She kissed his temple, and turned to go adding one more thought before she left. "Call Nino. Have fun tonight."

Adrien slumped back into his chair, knowing that he should call Nino, but at the same time, knowing that he wouldn't. If he made plans with Nino, they would have fun, but he would miss time with Marinette. He was already thinking of ways to get her to ditch her friends and just come home to him instead.

The call at lunchtime didn't go as well as he'd hoped. Marinette had called him out on still being in his pajama pants, and encouraged him, again, to call Nino. Having talked to Alya, she knew he had no plans. When Adrien asked once more if she would just come home to him, she sighed. "I've missed the past 3 girls nights. I really need this."

He couldn't help it. "But I miss you when you aren't with me" slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Marinette sighed, and he could picture her, sitting at her desk, shoulders slumped, pinching the bridge of her nose and trying to make the impossible choice. He knew he wasn't being fair to her, that she worked so hard, and she deserved a night off to go out with her friends, but he didn't feel safe, _couldn't_ feel safe or calm when his Ladybug was not with him.

She had been his rock, ever since that day, over 4 years ago, when Hawkmoth was revealed and defeated, and Adrien's world had shattered. She had sat with him at the trial, both as Marinette and Ladybug, defending him and supporting him, being his rock, when the only way that he could prove his lack of complicity was to reveal himself to the world as Chat Noir.

They'd been dating for four years, but best friends for much longer, partners for a decade, and he depended upon her for everything. He couldn't handle losing her.

After they hung up, Marinette sat slumped at her desk. She hated to deny Adrien anything, and years of sacrificing her wishes for his made for a hard habit to break, but she'd promised the girls that she'd be there this time, that she wouldn't let them down, and she intended to keep that promise.

The guilt ate at her over her decision, but she remained strong. She loved her boyfriend, they'd been through so much together, but she'd know the girls just as long, if not longer. They only met for girls night once a month, and she'd missed too many. She desperately needed a night free of responsibilities, completely unable to remember the last time she'd had one.

There wasn't quite the normal spring in her step that evening as she headed out to girl's night, but she was absolutely thrilled to be there to see Mylene's sparkling new engagement ring. They celebrated her upcoming wedding, although there were absolutely no details, as it had only happened over the weekend. They stayed out a little later than she said she would, and she had maybe one too many drinks, but she was sober enough to take the metro back to the apartment she shared with Adrien.

Inserting her key into her front door, Marinette thought about the fact that she felt lighter and she was happier than she had been in a long time, and a smile blossomed across her face. As soon as she stepped inside, her smile slid away. The house was dark, except for a single lamp in the living room. Adrien sat on one end of the couch, looking shattered.

"You're late! I was so worried about you! I am so glad you are alright!" Adrien jumped off the couch, a relieved expression on his face, as he walked over to grip her tightly.

Marinette hugged him back, the weight of responsibility settling across on her shoulders, as she mustered a smile and an apology for her boyfriend. She shared Mylene's happy news, and he seemed to be genuinely happy, telling her to extend Mylene congratulations from both of them.

Agreeing, Marinette yawned hugely, her jaw cracking, and suggested that they head to bed. Adrien nodded, being sure to stay in physical contact with her as they got ready for bed; a light touch at her back, a hand on her arm, a finger, brushing her hair from her face. Marinette pondered his craving for closeness as they slid together beneath the covers, perfectly content to cuddle as Adrien's breathing evened out as he was pulled into sleep, while Marinette lay awake, her mind restless.

They'd been dating for four years, but best friends for much longer, partners for a decade, and he depended upon her for everything. She wasn't sure how much more she could take.


	2. I'm Sorry

_I told you it would get worse. It will get better (eventually) but it isn't an easy process. I'm repeating my trigger warnings. There's a lot of heavy issues that Adrien has to unpack. Marinette is working on hers, but can't be the sole support for Adrien. Someone reaches a breaking point._

* * *

"Adrien, I'm sorry. I can't do this any longer. I can't be your only support. If you can't even try, then I'm done. I'm leaving." Tears were running down Marinette's face as she said the hardest words she'd ever uttered in her life. Five years before, she'd testified against her boyfriend's father as he was revealed to be Hawkmoth, the man who terrorized Paris, but this was worse.

Guilt swirled in her gut, leaving her insides feeling frozen, her heart splintering into a million pieces. Adrien shook his head at her. "You know how I feel about talking about this. I don't want people to hate me. I need you, Marinette. Please don't give up without trying. You work so hard at everything, why won't you work with me on this, on us? Doesn't our relationship matter to you?"

Marinette shook her head, the tears coming hard enough to blind her. "You mean so much to me, Adrien. You are my partner, my other half. I have been trying so hard for so long, giving so much. I'm exhausted." She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "I can't be your only support. We've talked about this, I've talked with Dr. Lapointe about this. If we keep going the way we're going, I'm going to start hating you, and I don't want to. You mean too much to me. Please consider therapy."

"You know I can't Marinette. Why are you pushing me to do something that you know I can't handle? It's like you're turning into my father." When Marinette flinched away from him, burying her stricken face against her knees, he backpedaled. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, but it's frustrating because you are being so selfish, making this all about you. When did you stop caring about us?"

He shook his head sadly, unable to understand why the woman he loved wouldn't take the time to look at things from his perspective. He loved her more than anything in this world. The time they spent apart while they were working dragged for him, feeling infinite, and moving so slowly, it was all he could do to keep himself there, counting down the minutes until he could see her again. He needed her like the air that he breathed, and she was throwing all that back in his face. He didn't need anyone else as long as she was near. Why couldn't he be enough for her?

He said the last thought out loud, telling her that she was all that he needed, and wishing that he could be enough for her. "I'm going to bed. Come and join me when you're ready." He hugged her sobbing form, and kissed the top of her head, before heading into their bedroom. He lay awake for a long time, listening to the gasping sobs coming from the living room, but he must have fallen asleep at some point because when he awoke, the clock read 3:42 am and the apartment was silent.

He got out of bed, looking for her, finding a note on their dining table. "I'm at the bakery, staying there tonight, I'll be working with my parents on a project tomorrow. I'm sorry." Adrien smiled fondly at the note, glad that she'd realized that she'd been wrong. It was just like Marinette to apologize as soon as she'd come to her senses. Feeling much better about the situation, he went back to bed, and slept peacefully for the next couple of hours until his alarm awakened him the next morning.

Adrien got up and dressed, much as he normally would, sad that Marinette wasn't there, but texting her continually throughout the morning. Showered and shaved, he headed to work excited for the baked goods that Marinette always brought home from her parents house, as well as getting to forgive her for their fight the night before.

Anytime they fought, Marinette would apologize to him. He'd always forgive her, and then they'd make up. This time wouldn't be any different. He left for work in a good mood, one that would be shattered when he returned home.

While he was at work, Marinette and her father slipped into the apartment and removed everything that belonged only to Marinette: her clothes, everything from her designer's corner, and the miracle box. Tikki, whom Marinette had confided in, had said her goodbyes to Plagg. The cat kwami knew that it was coming, and had been trying to talk to Adrien, but unfortunately, Adrien was no more willing to hear it from Plagg than he was from Marinette.

With a reluctant, and tearful farewell to the apartment and the life that it represented, Marinette dropped her keys through the mail slot. With her father's arm around her, she walked out into the early afternoon sun, although the warmth of the air was lost in the memory of a rainy day that brought so much happiness.

Tears slid down her cheeks as she buckled herself into the bakery van's passenger seat, becoming a deluge to rival that day the further they went from her life.

Marinette had confided in her parents, much as she'd been encouraged to do by her therapist. They had held her, and promised to be there for whatever she needed. When she'd come to them saying that she couldn't take it anymore, then he offered to drop everything and move her out at that moment. The unwavering support she received from her family was the only thing that kept her sane as she made the arrangements, slowly disentangling her life from Adrien's.

By the time her meager possessions were reinstalled in her room, Marinette's tears had run dry. She felt bereft, completely devoid of emotion, only a vague concern that she should be feeling more something invaded the numbness that paralyzed her. Although it was still only mid-afternoon, she curled up on her bed and slept more soundly than she had in months, unaware of the maelstrom she would awaken to in the morning.


	3. Rock Bottom

_As the title suggests... this is the worst chapter. Adrien hits rock bottom. Trigger warning for depression and PTSD. The next chapter gets better._

* * *

Adrien was late getting home that day. He was looking forward to Marinette's cooking, and he wanted her to know that he didn't hold a grudge, so he picked up a bouquet of white tulips that the florist told him represented forgiveness. He had her tie them with a pink ribbon, Marinette's favorite color, and he was humming to himself as he opened the front door.

The first thing he noticed was Marinette's keys in the hallway. Adrien smiled to himself. She'd probably forgotten them in the door, and some kind neighbor dropped them through the mail slot. Three steps down the hallway, and he realized he didn't smell anything cooking.

A brief scan of the apartment showed no Marinette. Worried that something had happened to her, he grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialed her number. He heard a buzzing from the kitchen table, and found Marinette's phone, sitting on top of a folded piece of paper.

He smiled fondly at her forgetfulness, and reached for the paper underneath, expecting her to-do list or something like that. What he found was a letter that shook him to his very core.

He didn't know how long he sat there on the floor of the kitchen, his legs having buckled and he missed the chairs, but he didn't care. Marinette had left him. She was gone, just like everyone else in his life who had claimed to care about him. He thought Marinette had been different. The aching hole in his chest started to lap at the numbness that the rest of his body felt. _Marinette. _

He couldn't believe she'd left him just because he refused to go to therapy. He was happy that it had worked so well for her, but he couldn't relive those memories. It was too much of her to think that he could.

Pain. Pain and numbness. Both took turns washing over him. He couldn't move. He was barely aware of anything around him. Plagg tried talking to him, but eventually just took up residence in his hair, snuggling Adrien the best that he could; trying to provide comfort.

Marinette had spoken with Plagg before she'd left. Many times over many months. He saw the world weighing heavier on her shoulders; saw _Adrien_ weighing heavier on her shoulders. He'd spoken with them both, trying to buoy Marinette, and reason with Adrien, but in the end, he didn't blame Mariette for leaving. She'd stuck around longer than most would.

He'd watched her tears the night before as she'd begged Adrien to let her breathe, to help take some of the weight, but Adrien kept his troubles wrapped around his shoulders like a blanket, wrapping them around Marinette to keep her safe. Plagg sighed. Now it was up to him.

He let Adrien cry for a while. He'd known the boy for almost a decade now and knew he needed time, but before the night was fully dark, Plagg had pulled Adrien's phone from his pocket and dialed Nino's number, knowing Marinette had asked him to check on Adrien.

Adrien was still curled on the floor when he heard the pounding on his door. He tried to ignore it, but his phone started ringing. Glancing at the screen, he saw it was Nino. He sent the call to voicemail, but then he heard Nino's voice coming through his front door. "I know you're in there, Dude. Adrien, come on, Man. Open up. I know what happened."

_He knew what happened_. Adrien pushed himself up on wobbly legs and staggered towards the door. He unlocked it, dragging the door open, before taking the few steps to collapse on the couch. Nino followed him in, shutting the door behind him. He sat down on the couch next to Adrien, twisting his cap in his hands, nervously.

"Marinette left. She told us. She wanted me to check on you . Man, I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do for you right now?"

Adrien turned hollow eyes on him. "Can you make her come back?"

Nino shook his head. "She's been telling you for months that she can't do it anymore. Hell, you've told me as much. She needs time." He paused, obviously considering his next words carefully. "And you need to get help."

Anger flared white-hot in Adrien. "Get. Out."

Staring at him in shock, Nino placed a hand on his shoulder. Before he could say anything, Adrien yanked his arm away, turning angry eyes towards his best friend. "How could you side with her? I thought our friendship meant something. You aren't welcome here anymore."

Tentatively reaching out, Nino was stopped by a glare from Adrien. He dropped his hand, but addressed his friend. "I know you're hurting right now, and this sucks… but I'm here for you. In an hour, a month or a year. Just reach out. I'll come." When Adrien's response was a growl, Nino left.

Over the next hour, Adrien called the bakery forty-seven times, each message getting progressively more desperate and angry. He begged Marinette to come home, to give him a second chance, but there was never any response. After that, he bombarded both his and her social media with pleas for her to come home, to not give up on him, to not abandon him.

Marinette's accounts started blowing up. Some called her insane for leaving Adrien. Others called her names for abandoning a hero of Paris. The verdict was swift, either way, and not in her favor.

The backlash of her actions over the next several days had her closing her social media accounts. She kept her business information, which had been under the name MDC Designs, and she had refused to let Adrien be a part of, not wanting to piggyback on his fame, and had been unaffected by her personal issues.

Over that first week, Marinette reached out to the couple of dozen clients that she had, assuring them that her personal life would not interfere with her work in any way, most of them ended up offering her words of reassurance, and only one left her, one that had been using her to get closer to Adrien despite her best efforts.

While public opinion came down heavily in Adrien's favor, those that knew them threw their support behind Marinette, not precisely turning their backs on Adrien, but very few trying to wade through the hurt and vitriol he was spewing to soothe the hurt and frightened young man underneath.

* * *

Seven months later, Adrien was alone. He hadn't left their apartment, _his apartment,_ he corrected himself, in three weeks, when the date on his phone caught his eye. Ten years. It was ten years to the day since he'd met Plagg and received his miraculous, and been given the opportunity to work alongside the greatest woman he'd ever known.

That ring had been both a blessing and a curse, Adrien thought as he sat, unwashed, in his apartment. He would never exchange the chances he'd been given for anything, but he knew this was not what he was meant for. He broke down for the first time in days, crying until he was completely spent. Laying his cheek against the cool tile floor of the kitchen, he picked up his phone and made the hardest call of his life.

Nino picked up on the second ring, and after a brief conversation, promised he would be there within the hour. Adrien packed a bag, and sat on the couch, waiting for the man who was possibly the only friend he hadn't driven away to take him to a center where he could finally get the help that he needed.


	4. Oh! It's You!

_Four years later..._

Juleka had hired a new designer. Luka knew she really didn't like the one they had used for this past tour, but he thought they would interview a few people and see their work not just take someone's recommendation. Although, he mused, the recommendation did come from Penny, and was someone Jagged Stone had used in the past, if Juleka's information was correct.

His sister had met with the woman and hired her on the spot, without even consulting Luka. That meant she was either extremely talented or extraordinarily beautiful. His sister was a sucker for a beautiful woman, and her tastes had always run to the delicate, ephemeral types. Part of him was glad that he'd always preferred strong women, and that they'd never fallen for the same person.

The first thing that caught his eye as he walked past the glass window of the studio's conference room was the designer's ass. She had her back to the door, one foot planted firmly on the ground, and the other, kneeling in a conference room chair. She was bent over the table, focused on her work, body moving along to the beat of music he couldn't hear, due to the soundproofing in all the rooms in the studio's office suites.

He stared a little longer than was polite, before taking in the rest of her. Grey pencil skirt that fit her perfectly over grey stockings with little pink hearts in a line up the back. Her shoes had been discarded, as she was barefoot, and she'd shucked her grey and pink-lined jacket and placed it over the back of the chair she knelt on. Her sleeveless shirt was perfectly tailored and pale pink, accentuating her muscular arms. His eyes traveled up her long slender neck to the chignon of dark hair at the base of her skull.

Over the top of her head, his eyes met his sister's that sparkled with amusement, as a smirk played across her face. She gestured to the pictures that sat on easels around the room, ideas, he realized, that featured some of the things he wanted for their next album. His jaw dropped open. The artwork itself was stunning, and this designer had almost perfectly captured the mood he'd been hoping to set with the tracks.

Completely forgetting what he had been planning on doing, he decided he needed to introduce himself to the new designer, both to compliment her work, and to learn her name. He was only mildly surprised when he opened the door and heard his own voice coming at him from Juleka's computer; one of the songs they'd just recorded for their newest album. The designer was completely focused, not even flinching as he stepped through the door.

As Luka stepped closer, leaning closer as he glanced down at her drawing tablet, catching a glimpse of swirled teal, silver and purple, before the woman in front of him gasped and straightened, almost catching him in the chin with the top of her head. He stepped back, an apology on his lips, as she turned, and looked up at him with luminous blue eyes. Now he understood why his sister had hired her on the spot. It wasn't her beauty, or her talent, although she had both in spades, it was because she was an old friend. A soft smile played at the corners of his lips as a pink blush colored her cheeks, and he let it wash over his face as he spoke. "Hello, Marinette."

"L-luka! Hi!" She smiled up at him and gestured around the room. "Juleka said to bring along a few ideas, but I, uh, got a little carried away after listening to some of the songs from the new album. Do any of them come close? I didn't know what the name of your album was going to be, so I went with a few of the different moods the songs evoked."

Luka chuckled. "All of them are great, actually. I like how you've highlighted different songs. He pointed at several of the pieces, naming the songs that went along with them. "_Like the River. Swirls of Scarlet. Heartless._ I'm not sure about that one, though." He pointed to a fourth piece, a little apart from the others. "It's stunning, and it definitely calls to me, but I'm not sure what song inspired it."

"That's because I drew that one before I heard any of your songs. It's you. The two of you. Warm memories and prior albums. It's just you guys." The blush returned to Marinette's cheeks as she looked at him.

Juleka grinned at him. "That's the one that she showed me when I met with her. Just one of the reasons I hired her."

Marinette smiled at Juleka. "I'm so glad you called me! I'm excited to work with you guys on this project." She looked shyly at Luka. "If you agree, of course."

He threw up his hands. "Don't look at me, Juleka already hired you."

"On the condition that you agreed."

"And seeing that it's you, and your work is stunning, how could I disagree?"

Breaking into a sunny smile, Marinette threw her arms around Luka enveloping him in a hug. Stunned, he was a little slow to react, and by the time that he did, Marinette was already pulling away. "I'm sorry. That wasn't very professional, was it? I'm just so excited!"

Luka just smiled at her, touching her shoulder, and basking in her exuberance. "Don't worry about it, Marinette. Don't change who you are for anyone." Her face split wide in a smile, and she reached out as if to hug him again, but stopped herself. He finished the motion for her, pulling her close for a brief hug, before stepping back. "Welcome to the team."

Reaching into her bag, Marinette pulled out her sketchbook, placing it on the table, showing the Couffaines ideas for stage outfits that highlighted their personalities. Juleka's was all velvet and black lace with accents of electric purple and topped with a purple velvet top hat. Her waistcoat was cut low enough to show off the pink rose tattoo right above her heart, but high enough for her to move around on stage and not worry about any mishaps.

There were no completed outfits for Luka, everything had been left unfinished, or completely scratched through. Marinette claimed that she couldn't get the right feel for him. An offer to reconnect over coffee had her agreeing, but when she stepped towards the Keurig in the corner, Luka laughed, tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow, and telling her about the cute little coffee shop down on the corner.

Marinette turned nervous eyes on Juleka, but she just smiled and waved her lace gloved fingers, instructing her brother to bring her back a tea and one of those scones she liked. Then with an admonishment to have fun, she waved them on their way, turning her back on them and peering down at Marinette's sketches.

Once they were in the hallway, Luka released Marinette's hand and turned towards her. "Sorry. I realized I never actually asked you if this was alright. Is it?"

She cocked an eyebrow at him and smirked. "Of course. I'm with Juleka. The scones sound delicious." Before he could respond, she tucked her hand back into his arm and gave it a gentle tug to start him moving.

He grinned to himself at Marinette's new confidence and attitude. Luka was definitely going to enjoy getting to know the new and improved Marinette Dupain-Cheng.


	5. Reconnecting

A quick cup of coffee turned into a 3-hour lunch, Marinette and Luka sitting together, catching up on the last several years of their lives. They'd nominally stayed in touch, and Marinette had followed all of the band's social media, occasionally meeting with Juleka and Rose, catching up on what was happening in their lives.

Luka had lived a quiet life, for a rockstar, staying out of the spotlight as much as possible, pouring all of his energy into writing and performing, chasing his dream while it was still within his grasp. He told a few stories about life on the road but swore that most of it was fairly monotonous; entirely too many hours confined to a bus, trapped with the same people day in and day out. When Marinette pointed out that he'd practiced this for years by living on the boat, he laughed and said the _Liberty_ had more freedom.

He enjoyed performing, the emotions, the music, all of it swirling around him, passing the energy back and forth between the stage and the audience, but he missed slowing it down and really getting to connect with people. People other than those on the bus. He felt plenty connected to them.

Marinette laughed. It wasn't the shy laugh that she'd had as a teenager, but one that rang out, full of joy, infectious in its happiness. Luka's eyes drank her in. She'd been pretty half a lifetime ago when she'd stumbled into his life, words tumbling out, reminding him of his obligations while overwhelming him with her own music; but now, she was downright gorgeous. She exuded a quiet confidence that she would overcome anything life threw at her and appeared completely at home in her skin.

_Her skin. _He tried not to stare too much, but her skin was flawless, with just a dusting of freckles. She'd hidden the ones on her face, but he could see them on her shoulder, and his fingers itched to trace them. He chuckled to himself as he admitted that Juleka may not be the only Couffaine to be swayed by a pretty face, although, he and Marinette had been close, all those years ago, so maybe he could be forgiven in this case.

He'd missed what she'd been saying during his rumination, and she was looking at him, big blue eyes wide, waiting for his answer. Flushing slightly, Luka apologized and was treated to Marinette's laugh again as she repeated her question. Another hour passed as they fell into old patterns of conversation, laughing and joking. Luka's phone chimed, and in reaching for it he realized that he'd been stroking Marinette's knuckles with his thumb. "It's Juleka. She's wondering why we've been gone for over three hours."

Marinette yelped and grabbed for her own phone. "Oh Luka, I'm so sorry for keeping you so long. I know how busy you are, and I've been wasting your time!"

This time it was Marinette's turn to stare as Luka's full-bodied laugh rolled over her. He'd definitely grown up over the past decade. He was still tall and lean, but she could see the cording of muscles playing underneath his t-shirt. The dark wash jeans he wore had no holes, a nod to the meetings he'd been in all day, and his hi-tops had morphed into heavy black boots.

"I'm fine, and Juleka would have called hours ago if we were really needed. Come on ma mie, we should probably head back."

He extended a hand to her, pulling her out of her chair. "Do you want to join me for dinner tonight?"

She looked around nervously, anywhere but at him. "I can't tonight."

Luka started beating himself internally for jumping headlong into something, or someone in this case, but talking with Marinette, reconnecting with her had just seemed so natural. His breath caught in his throat when her voice softly inquired, "Could you do lunch tomorrow?"

Nodding, because he didn't trust his voice enough at that moment, he took a moment to double-check his schedule, before nodding again and clearing his throat. "Yeah. I'd love that. Give me your number, we can work out the details later." She gave him her number as they walked back to the studio, and he immediately texted her so that she would have his.

The next day, Luka was already waiting for her at the small cafe they'd agreed upon, and he stood as she approached the table. Both were dressed more casually, Marinette in an apple green sundress with black accents and black sandals, and Luka in ripped jeans and an old band t-shirt, but the boots remained the same.

The conversation was turned to the years they'd missed with each other, and Marinette admitted that she'd spent a year, immediately after the break with Adrien doing little but hiding out at her parents' bakery, laser-focused on improving an already impressive portfolio.

The next year hadn't been much better, but 5 months into that year, she'd been offered a job that involved a lot of travel, and she'd spent the next two years traveling around the world. She admitted to catching his shows in Milan, London, and New York, and even to having coffee with Juleka in the last city.

Luka wondered why his sister hadn't mentioned the meetup, but then he remembered what, or rather _who_, he'd been doing during their last visit to New York, and wisely remained silent. If Marinette noticed that a slight flush appeared on his cheeks, she didn't comment.

He talked about touring… what life was like on the road, and how it was easy to find inspiration in the beauty that surrounded them, but so hard to find the time to translate that beauty into music. He often struggled to stay grounded, to even remember which city he was, or what day it was and stayed grateful to Juleka for being there, and keeping him from some of his less well thought out ideas.

They talked and talked, and when Marinette noticed that they were getting looks from the waitstaff, she suggested going for a walk. It was a gorgeous day, and they wandered the streets, talking and swapping stories, fingers intertwined.

They spotted a man with a shock of silver hair setting up an ice cream cart, calling out cheerfully to couples as they passed. "Is that Andre?" Marinette asked, somewhat surprised. "I didn't know he was still around!"

Chuckling at her surprise, Luka grinned down at her. "He's almost 70 now, although for the longest time I thought he was magical and could live forever. I remember when I was a kid, I delivered pizza to him, to his actual house, that is. He told me it was his 56th birthday, and that was a dozen or more years ago, now."

"Would you like to go and get some ice cream with me, Luka?"

The corners of his mouth quirked up in answer, as he tugged on her hand pulling her in the direction of the sweethearts' ice cream cart. Andre smiled when he saw them, his usual exuberance hiding the fact that his movements were slower now. He smiled at them as he handed over a mint and cherry chocolate chip cone, the flavours clashing horribly, but the meaning behind them clear.

They sat together in the park, enjoying the late-spring sunshine as well as the cool creaminess of the desert. Luka caught himself a couple of times staring as Marinette's little pink tongue darted out to lick the ice cream off of her spoon.

When Marinette glanced over at Luka, she noticed he had a drop of ice cream in the little dip between his lower lip and chin. Feeling brave, she reached over and wiped it off with her thumb. His breath caught as he met her eyes, and her hand slid to cup his face. He kissed the pad of her thumb, and she gasped, softly, closing the distance between them to replace her thumb with her lips.

Her eyes fluttered closed, and she lost herself in the moment, ice cream forgotten, until Luka pulled back with a reluctant sigh. "Before we go too far, we should probably talk."

Looking up at him, still a little dazed, she nodded. "Do you want to come over to my place? I'll make coffee, and I'm sure I've got something to substitute for that." She gestured at the ice cream that was melting everywhere. Laughing, he agreed, and they walked, hand in hand, the few blocks to her apartment, stealing kisses, every few steps.


	6. Distractions and Revelations

_Author's Note: This chapter does contain consenting adults doing adulty things. _

_I also want to address a couple of guest reviews I've had. Please know that I don't hate Adrien. I am actually trying to make this a realistic fiction, and I feel that it would be realistic for him to have PTSD. He's actually going to pop back up in the next chapter in a much happier and healthier place in his life, and he and Marinette are going to reconnect in a good and healthy way. _

_Additionally, I don't think Luka is perfect. If you're looking for people who are perfect, look somewhere else. I don't believe ANYONE is perfect, whether they're real or fictional. In fact... Marinette agrees with me. She doesn't think Luka is perfect either (and will let him know quite spectacularly in a few chapters)._

* * *

Marinette fumbled with her keys, as she tried to unlock her apartment door. Luka was kissing her neck and his hands were roaming her sides, trying to touch as much of her as possible. His body was pressed up against hers, and she could tell that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him.

Finally she was able to roughly jam the key in the lock, wrenching the door open, and the two stumbled through. She snatched her keys out of the lock, shoving the door closed, and twisting the lock behind her. She turned, and Luka's mouth was on hers, his hands grasping at her hips, her fingers buried in his hair. His body pressed hers into the wall, three steps from the front door.

Gasping, she pushed him off her, and he tried to pull her back, but her hands slid down his body to fiddle with the button of his jeans. His breath caught in his throat, and her eyes looked up to meet his, her fingers stilling, but at his slight nod, she looked back down, releasing the button. The rasp of his zipper sounded loud in the quiet hallway, followed by his groan of relief as some of the pressure on his arousal was released.

His jeans slid down to his legs, and he quickly kicked them off, along with his shoes, as Marinette tugged his boxers down. As he helped them the rest of the way, Marinette reached up under her dress, and slid off her own underwear. Gripping her thighs, Luka lifted her, bracing her against the wall as she wrapped her legs around him, the rasp of her stockings contrasting with the cool smoothness of the heels that she still wore.

The skirt of her dress was hiked up around her waist, and he hovered at her entrance until she kissed him savagely, her legs tightening around him. He slid into her, both of them moaning in pleasure. Marinette tipped her head back, vocal in her enjoyment as Luka continued to thrust. A slight change of angle rubbed just the right way, and she buried her face in his neck and bit down on his shoulder.

Luka shouted in a combination of surprise and pleasure, and, losing control, came almost instantly as she continued nipping at his neck. As the strength drained from his body he collapsed into the wall holding her tight against his body as his heart rate slowed its gallop.

Once he'd caught his breath, he immediately started apologizing, while Marinette, who was still wrapped around him just smirked. When he was able to straighten up and lower her to the ground, she slid down his body until her feet touched the ground, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Luka, it's alright. Do you have any idea how hot it is that I made the unflappable Luka Couffaine completely lose control?" Her smirk intensified, and she threw him a wink. "Besides, I know you'll make it up to me."

Luka swallowed hard as he leaned forward to capture her lips again, it was going to be a long afternoon, and he planned to enjoy every moment of it.

Several hours later, as the sun was starting to sink in the sky, Marinette pressed a kiss to Luka's nose. "I thought we were going to talk."

Marinette felt Luka's chuckle rumbling through his chest. "Yeah, that was before you distracted me with wall sex."

She smacked his shoulder and laughed. "Oh yeah, entirely my fault. You had nothing to do with it. Might as well have not even been there."

He laughed again, his arm snaking around her waist before he sighed. "You're right though. We should talk."

Once they were properly dressed Luka sat on the couch next to Marinette, as she stared into the past, and waited for Marinette to begin her story.

She took a deep breath and shook herself out of her reverie. "I guess I need to start by offering you an apology. I don't think I ever did. After Hawkmoth was defeated. We were so close, and I knew you were waiting on me, and then I just started dating Adrien out of nowhere, and I just felt so guilty. We drifted apart, and I know that's my fault, and I'm just so sorry."

He took advantage of her pause to take a ragged breath to cover her small hands in his larger ones. "It's OK, Marinette. I understood. Even then. He was Chat Noir, you were Ladybug. He needed you. You finally figured out why you were so drawn to him." Luka shrugged his shoulders. "You made the right choice for you. You were happy. That's what mattered."

Marinette's mouth was open. "You knew? How?"

"I've always known. It was obvious to me the first day that we met. I didn't want to say anything until you were ready, and then it no longer mattered."

She reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Oh, Luka, I'm so sorry. I have always hated secrets." She turned to face him, not letting go of his hand. "As soon as Hawkmoth was defeated, Chat and I sat down, and he felt like he needed to tell me who he was, in case things got bad for him. When I saw that it was Adrien, and we'd just taken down his father, well…" She broke off, the tears sliding down her face, even now, nearly ten years later.

Fingers idly tracing a design on the back of his hand, Marinette looked up into the sympathetic face of the man next to her. "His aunt offered to take Adrien away, for him to stay with them. He's got a cousin the same age, Felix, and she'd take care of him." Marinette shuddered, thinking of the few interactions she'd had with Adrien's only family. She was surprised how normal Adrien had turned out considering how manipulative both sides of his family were.

"The authorities didn't want him to leave Paris. They suspected that he was complicit, or at least had knowledge of his father's activities." She shook her head. "That's why he admitted to being Chat Noir at the trial. We had talked it over beforehand, and it seemed like the best way of clearing him."

Looking down at her and Luka's joined hands, she ran a thumb over his knuckles, loving the feel of soft skin over smooth bone, keeping herself grounded in the present, practicing what Dr. Lapointe had taught her about not getting lost in the past. Sighing, she kept watching the movement of her thumb as she continued talking.

"Adrien came to stay with us. His bodyguard also talked with us about getting custody, but his name had yet to be cleared as well, and with Nathalie Sancour being Mayura, well, it's understandable why. After Adrien was cleared, and spoke on the man's behalf, Adrien was almost 18, and would be making his own way in the world soon enough." She gave an emotionless chuckle. "They stayed in touch, though. They still do. Even I still get a Christmas card from him."

"The trial was hard. I don't think any trials are easy. Since I am the guardian, and I keep all the miraculous when they are not in use, we decided not to reveal my identity, although I already had to Adrien. We had started dating at some point between Gabriel's arrest and the start of the trial, but kept it very quiet for obvious reasons. I was both testifying as Ladybug, and playing the supportive friend as Marinette, as well as trying to finish school, apply for University and trying to keep my best friend from shattering into a million pieces. I wish I had insisted on therapy for him then, but he said no, and I didn't press him."

The tears were coming harder now, and Luka reached over to wipe them away with his thumb. "You did the best you could, Marinette. You were barely seventeen and handling way more than anyone should have asked of you. Knowing what I did about your identity, I backed away, seeing how much you had on your plate. Everything made more sense when Adrien's identity came to light, and I stayed away for selfish reasons. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Putting her arms around his neck, Marinette crawled into Luka's lap and buried her face in his shoulder. He mirrored her actions, his face pressed into her neck, each taking comfort from the other, both crying out their regrets of a past too far gone to change.

She told the next part of her story into his shoulder, her lips barely brushing his neck. "The trial was awful. You saw it. Everyone saw it. They showed Adrien's heartbreak on national television. I asked Alya to keep it off the Ladyblog, and explained why. She was the only interview that Chat gave, and it was because she only reported the facts. I know it hurt her number of hits, but it was the humane thing to do."

"Almost immediately after that, we started university. We moved in together, mostly because, as the guardian, I had all the kwamis, and Adrien never had to be alone. Plagg was always with him, I couldn't take his ring, even though I should have, but it meant there was always someone for him to talk to. He went from trusting everyone to trusting nobody. For about a year, unless it was school related, he talked to no one except me. I became his everything. By the time we graduated, he had a few friends, he was talking to Nino and Alya again, as well as Kagami and a few others he met along the way, but he was never alone with them. If he went out, I had to as well, or else he would make an excuse and stay home."

Marinette drew her head back, but remained in Luka's lap, her hands running up and down his arms, as he loosely rested his hands at her waist. "That kind of dependence, that _need_ scared me. I understood it, of course I did, but it was exhausting. I begged him to get help, to find someone to talk to, but he refused to be alone with someone else. I found Dr. LaPointe. She specializes in patients with PTSD and helping their loved ones as well. We met with her, together, a few times. She knew who he was, of course, and his history. I explained that we had been friends for years. We talked a few times, but Adrien stopped going."

Taking a shuddering breath, Marinette looked up into Luka's face, cupping one cheek in her palm and resting her forehead against his for a few moments as she steadied her nerves and fought against the tears that wanted to spill down her cheeks once again. "He said it was too much like the trial. If I wanted to keep going, that was fine, but not to drag him along." Marinette's gaze drifted, her eyes once again looking back at another time.

"I met with her regularly for several years. She encouraged me to take care of myself as well as him. That I _was_ allowed to have other friends. That spending time with them was not being selfish." The tears she'd been fighting back overflowed once more, and Luka gently gathered her in, rubbing circles on her back.

Taking a few minutes to compose herself, Marinette told Luka about the almost crippling guilt that she'd felt when she had finally got up the courage to leave. The backlash from some of his fans (both of Adrien and Chat Noir) had caused her to completely abandon social media for over a year, changing her username, and keeping her account very limited when she returned. Fortunately, by that point her business had taken off enough that her clients ignored the outcry against her in the face of Adrien's very public pleading for her to return.

Scandals with XY and others had pushed their relationship turmoil out of the spotlight. Most of "their" friends had actually been her friends that accepted Adrien because he was with her. Luka remembered seeing some of the things Adrien had said, but hadn't found a way to reach out to her, and honestly, hadn't tried that hard. He'd just started a relationship with their keyboard player and had been a little preoccupied at the time. The romance had only lasted about six months, but they'd been able to stay friends and bandmates.

Marinette sat up, still cradled in his lap, but tear-stained face no longer pressed into his neck. "I've not dated anyone seriously since Adrien. I've been afraid to. You've always made me feel safe. I'm attracted to you. I would be crazy to deny that now, but not just physically. You're an amazing man. You always have been. I would love to explore something with you. With you, I'm not afraid."

Reaching up, Luka brushed Marinette's cheek with his thumb, rubbing away the watery remains of bad memories, pressing butterfly kisses to her cheeks and eyelids, showing her how much he adored her, and wanted to be there for her as much as she was there for him. "I want that too, Marinette. We both have a past, have ghosts, but we can figure it out together."


End file.
